so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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