When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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