I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
