nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
