North Korea, Best Korea!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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