I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
