I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
