6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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