Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
