He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize