I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
