The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
