Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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