from now on my penis is your penis
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
