I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
