Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Someone signed my nipple.
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