why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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