VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
