I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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