Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
