i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
