So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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