I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
