I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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