that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i came on her dog
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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