nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
