She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
