i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
