i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
