Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and you said cock pushups were impossible
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
