im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
