Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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