If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
