Pants 0. Shit 1.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
