When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
