hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
