you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
