he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
