the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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