if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
