Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
