Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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