drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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