My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
