The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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