I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need to calm my uterus...
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