mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
