She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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