You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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