You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you had me at cake vodka
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
