So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
