I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
