went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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