No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
