So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
