I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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