and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
