physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
