I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize