You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
