If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Your penis caused this!
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