My nipple is on Facebook.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
