glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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