Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
