This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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