I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
