either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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