Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
