I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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