just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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