Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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