you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
