EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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