But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
