At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
