I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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