I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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