Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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