I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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