one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I came so hard my ears popped.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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