i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize