i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
