if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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