i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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