i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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