Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Are we still banned from the library?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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