i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize