Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
