So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
