i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
