My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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