put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
