I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
