listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize