I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
