I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
