I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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