I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
