She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
