My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
