Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
