Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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