i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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