You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
