I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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