all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
