we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
