If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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