Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
