I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ttyl tear gas
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize