I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I FOUND THE LEGS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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