Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
