This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
