You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
