Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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