I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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