i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
