I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
